It seems folks are not quite sure whether a concerned citizen’s letter to his local New Hampshire newspaper is a tongue-in-cheek joke or a true accusation against a cryptid burglar, but in either case, it’s now making headlines around the country!
Following a series of break-ins, authorities around Spruce Mountain in New Hampshire named some errant bears as the perpetrators of the crimes. Dubious letter-writer Caleb White, however, believes the finger should be pointed at a much more unlikely culprit (or is it secretly the most likely culprit?): Bigfoot. Check out the details of the story and unusual letter below from an article originally published by Coast to Coast AM, followed by White’s full, original letter to The Conway Valley Sun:
Concerned Citizen Believes Bigfoot is to Blame for Series of Area Break-Ins
A New Hampshire man believes that Bigfoot is behind a series of break-ins that have occurred in the state throughout the summer. In what is either a genuine letter to his local newspaper or a remarkably well-crafted joke that likely raised eyebrows among residents in the community, Caleb White took issue with authorities saying that bears were probably responsible for a number of recent incidents of forced entry involving homes and cars. On the contrary, he declared, "it is glaringly obvious that Bigfoot is the culprit."
White went on to note a number of curious aspects of the cases which contributed to his cryptozoological conclusion. Specifically, he pointed to one particular incident involving a break-in at a shuttered ski resort known as Spruce Mountain, where traps were subsequently set and a bear was said to have been captured. However, the fact that another mysterious forced entry took place shortly thereafter led White to posit that "there is no way two bears thought to do the exact same thing two times in a row."
Regarding the vehicle break-ins, White argued that bears cannot easily open car doors because they do not have opposable thumbs. "The Sasquatch, on the other hand, does," he said, which allows the creature "to open doors like humans." White also observed that there were no scratches on the cars, which he found to be incongruous with the bear hypothesis because their claws would "easily" take the paint off of a vehicle, unlike the "more precise" Bigfoot which would not leave behind such damage.
Perhaps the most amazing part of White's letter is his assertion that the absence of Bigfoot on the list of suspects is not merely an oversight on the part of disbelieving investigators, but a full-blown conspiracy. "The presence of Sasquatch," he wrote, is "covered up by Fish and Game" officials. Unfortunately, White does not take his theory any further than that, though one may surmise that his contention is that authorities do not want to alarm the public by telling them that Bigfoot might break into their cars or homes.
Now for more context, read White’s letter to his paper, The Conway Valley Sun, published on August 19, 2019:
To the editor:
We all know about these “bear break-ins” across the northern parts of the valley. Cars and houses getting broken into and stolen from by apparent “bears.” But after extensive research, I am confident that these break-ins are actually the presence of the Sasquatch being covered up by Fish and Game.
But why do I think this? You see, when the bear first broke into Spruce Mountain, they set up traps to catch it, and caught it the next day. But soon after, another break-in was reported at Spruce. There is no way two bears thought to do the exact same thing two times in a row. The trap was just a decoy so that the public would not notice. Sasquatch are very smart creatures, they won’t fall into a trap.
Although some may not realize, Sasquatch are native to this area. With forests similar to the Pacific Northwest, the Northeast creates excellent habitat for Bigfoot. After much human intervention, supplies are becoming scarce and bigfoot is resorting to invading homes and vehicles.
I still cannot understand why people think bears could so easily open the car doors. They don’t have opposable thumbs. The Sasquatch, on the other hand, does, allowing him to open doors like humans. Bears have claws, which would scratch car paint easily. But these cars just have dirt on them. That is because Sasquatch are more precise than creatures such as bear.
With all of this evidence compiled, it is glaringly obvious that Bigfoot is the culprit of these attacks. Keep that in mind, and use caution while adventuring in the mountains. Always be ready to defend yourself and lock those car doors.
Appreciation goes to Bigfoot expert Peter Caine for research help and Darren Piotrow for writing help.
White lists a bear’s inability to open car doors as evidence that these break-ins are much more likely to have been committed by Bigfoot; however, evidence of bears breaking into cars and homes has become fairly common, as demonstrated in a video we shared back in July featuring a bear easily popping open a car in Tennessee in search of snacks! Could the burglar (or perhaps burglars) in question really be a Bigfoot? Well, at least he’d be really easy to pick out of a police lineup.
Do you think Mr. White’s letter is genuine, or was it intended to be a lark? Discuss with us in the comments!